i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
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there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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