i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
