My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
