My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
