remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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