I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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