well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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