oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
