I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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