??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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