mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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