I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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