Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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