so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize