Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
