is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It was confusing and full of hummus
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
