i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
