yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
