I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
