Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
