I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize
