I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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