Four minutes until I can fart!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
