She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
