All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
