Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A+ Viking dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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