I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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