That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
