AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
