First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
