i permit you to call me
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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