last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
