i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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