if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
