But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
