I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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