He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
