I accidentally had phone sex last night
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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