Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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