she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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