That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
