the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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