Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
be right there i have to get my cape
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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