She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
