it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize