Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
