he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
