I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize