I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
