I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
