Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
