There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
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I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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