i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
