How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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