a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
