More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
