you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
