dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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