PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
