i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
