took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
