I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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