I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
