i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
