does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
