We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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