I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
