She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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