I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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