the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
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My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
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What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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