i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
