I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
